rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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