I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
