I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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