Pappa wants mamma naked
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
