how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
