3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.