At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later