OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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