Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
  Replies (5) Good night (1420) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Man I wish I had been there

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours. (1-314): Man I wish I had been there (314): Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again. http://tfl.nu/g53a
  Replies (11) Good night (2863) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win. http://tfl.nu/ky57
  Replies (18) Good night (4210) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I wish they had nachos that got you drunk http://tfl.nu/1jvf
  Replies (17) Good night (4578) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (1164) Bad night (4488)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem http://tfl.nu/q0gs
  Replies (6) Good night (2312) Bad night (1375)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes http://tfl.nu/6kum
  Replies (3) Good night (1810) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor http://tfl.nu/2ux6
  Replies (9) Good night (960) Bad night (2522)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj
  Replies (9) Good night (1943) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Figured I'd get right to the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up." (1-215): Figured I'd get right to the point http://tfl.nu/wgkv
  Replies (8) Good night (955) Bad night (1638)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form. http://tfl.nu/5xht
  Replies (4) Good night (1152) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy. http://tfl.nu/b383
  Replies (11) Good night (2475) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet. http://tfl.nu/8dod
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money. http://tfl.nu/sp3n
  Replies (23) Good night (584) Bad night (2186)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (374) Bad night (524)

Randomize