we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?