The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.