so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
