Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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