She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
