Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
