I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
