Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
