i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
