Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
