my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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