my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
