she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
