We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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