I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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