Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
