I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
