Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i think i just lost a toe
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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