what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i think my cat just said my name.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
