It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
