This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
