Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.