How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.