Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
