It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
