i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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