Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
