I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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