Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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