He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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