My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No I am not eating basil off your cock
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
