He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
