idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
