just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
