If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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