It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
