I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's the barista slut.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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