I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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