I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
