I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
