she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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