Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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