i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so that wasnt chicken after all
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
