DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
