i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she pinky promised me she was 18
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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