just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
