Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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