when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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