Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you traded sex for a burrito?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found puke in my bra..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
