My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
