bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
