I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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