last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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