I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
