Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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