I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
