so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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